Hi all.
I just want to first give a big thank you
to all the people who read my blog yesterday.
The amount of
support and views has been overwhelming, I'm very honoured. ♥
Alright back to business.
Today i will be documenting what i eat in a day using photos.
I think it will be a big eye opener for me and
to anyone else suffering with anorexia.
The idea is that i take a photo document the
time and i might give a brief description on the food and how I’m feeling
throughout the day
Also I better give you a little background info:
I am 21 years old, I weigh 59kg and I’m a size 8 -10, and 5'3 tall.
I have had issues with eating when i was 15 -16,
then i gained weight slowly after High school. By the time i was 19 and I
weighed 82kg and was a size 14 -16.
Then i started to count calories and the weight just
fell off.
When i was 20 - 21 I got deeper into my restricting.
Although i wasn't loosening very much weight anymore I became addicted to
counting calories the complements that people were giving me everyday and the
smaller clothes i could now fit into. I would feel wrong if I ate over a certain
number for the day.
On my 21st birthday i went out to breakfast and
dinners with friends, and after i would go to the bathroom and make myself
sick.
Having bacon and eggs or pasta inside me made me
feel dirty.
I had been doing this sort of thing for a while
on and off, Christmas is a big one, and birthdays or holidays. Really any occasion
where there is a lot of food.
But I hardly purge now, I find it's better to
just make sure i don’t eat over 600 calories for the day, and keep restricting.
I just have to make sure I stay away from
cheese, peanut butter, nuts, chips, biscuits, cakes, or any baked goods.
You get the idea; it clearly occupies a large amount
of precious space in my brain.
And if this sounds like you, you will know that 80% is will power and 20% is planning purging
and lying.
So please read and reflect, and anyone who is
going through this; I’m here and please stay safe, I don't want any of my
readers to die. ♥
Warning. This is not a healthy diet to follow;
you can not live off 600 calories in a day or under.
If you are suffering with an eating
disorder in Australia
7:30 am
Breakfast
½ Helga's
Bread: Sandwich Thin, Mixed Grain - 50 Calories
1 teaspoon (5g) of Nuttelex: Margarines:
Nuttelex, Light - 22 Calories
3 g of Cinnamon Sugar - 11 Calories
1 Sachet of Nescafe Coffees: Skim - 42 Calories
My Breakfast - 126 Calories
I’m feeling ok this morning, although a bit
sleepy but that’s because i stayed up till 11:30pm watching my blog views go
from 30 to over 100 :-)
I don't think i really need to elaborate on my breakfast,
but it will be the highest calorie meal I’ll eat all day today.
I'm a strong believer in eating breakfast
everyday. It kick starts your metabolism and helps with weight loss.
And aside from all that nonsense I also just like coffee and cinnamon
sugar on toast. :3
8:57 am
I’m starting to feel a bit hungry.
A girl in my office is starting to hum and sing
to herself. It's so annoying; it feels like someone scratching at the inside of
my brain, I want to go over there and tell her to shut her pie hole.
Oh that’s Just Great! Someone put pastries on
the table in the tea room. Well normally i would get one and lick it out ;-)
then discard it. (Like that doesn't sound familiar)
But i don’t want to take a photo of it, so I’ll
hold back, someone else can have an extra 50 calories in their day.
Knowing that if I eat something and the prospect
of the whole world seeing my shame is a really good way not to eat junk.
1 Baby carrot - 10 Calories
1 Stalk of celery - 4 Calories
Post Breakfast munchies - 14 Calories
I know people say celery is a negative calorie
food. Well that is a lie. No food has zero or negative calories, the only thing
with zero calories is water.
Even Coke Zero has like 0.5 calories.
It’s the fiber in the celery, you burn it off
very quickly but it's still there.
10:00am
Black Tea #No 1 (of many) - 0 Calories
My office is freezing cold and lucky for me
anything with caffeine I will just pee out in the next hour.
10:57am
Oops. I've been budging at work pretty
bad, I just can’t get in the zone, and I’m so bored.
I have some snack food coming up but I don't
know if I’m hungry. Maybe I’ll have the Coke and see how I’m feeling. Maybe it
will give me some energy to work better.
11:00am
Coke Zero Mini Time!!
I wish it was Coke Zero time all the time. :D
I'm not going to put in the calories of the Coke
Zero because frankly my dear I don't give a damn.
11:10am
Pre Lunch Snack
Mini Macro Air Pop Popcorn: Nacho Cheese - 60 Calories
I couldn't get the photo to flip around, but
you're smart people, I think you get the idea, or you could tilt your head.
I alternate every second day with the Mini Macro Popcorn or Potato Stix for my crunchy fix, The
Potato Stix has 42 calories.
They taste like chicken potato chips but puffed and in stick form…and
not chips.
11:40am
Well I did end up having the popcorn, (so
yummy).
My logic was if I have it now i won't have it
later.
I had a tiny boost of energy, but it's starting
to go down the closer i get to lunch time.
I want the day to be over. And I'm dreading all the brain dead work I
have to do after lunch till 5pm.
12:00pm
Lunch
Homemade Ratatouille - 80 Calories per serve
It's an Italian stew with things like, Tomato, Zucchini,
Eggplant, Onion, Mushroom, and i also added two Vegetarian Tomato Sausages. It
was split over 3 plastic containers.
1:00pm
Desert
(see that dent..that was where my car keys somehow got in-bedded in my jelly)
Light Cranberry Jelly: 1/4 of a pack - 9 Calories
I held out as long as I could, I just needed
something sweet after lunch.
1:40pm
Jog up 12 flights of steps - negative 53
calories
2:00pm
Black Tea #No 2 - 0 Calories
2:00pm
God damn it!
I gave in to a tablespoon of avocado with
lemon.
I'm so mad why don’t I have will power?
Avocado 1 tablespoon - 40 calories
And I was doing so well.
Well my brain feels foggy and I’m feeling
sleepy, I have done nearly no work today, I really have to pick up the slack
and get to it.
3:30pm
Afternoon tea
Weight Watchers Fruit cup - 33 Calories
Thank god, only an hour and a half remaining in
the work day.
I'm shocked at how quickly it went by.
5:15
Jogging up 12 flights of steps (again, but this time in the car park) - negative 53
calories
6:00pm
Dinner
1 Baby Carrot - 10 Calories
1 Dill Pickle - 3 Calories
1 Celery stick (cut in half) - 5 Calories
1/2 Cup air pop popcorn - 15 Calories
10 grams Weight Watchers Cottage cheese - 8 Calories
10 grams Doritos
Salsa - Calories
5
Dinner - 46
Calories
Well doesn't that just look like a little plate of heaven?
7:00pm
2 Tsp Vitarium's Naturally Sugar Free Drinking Chocolate – 4 Calories
30 Mils So Good 99% Fat Free UHT – 10 Calories
Day Total - 384 Calories
So I guess that's it, I did it.
I managed to stay under 400 Calories for the entire day. This is good, on a normal day i'm sitting on about 480-550 calories.
Honestly i think it was the pressure of an audience that kept me from over eating.
You see, Anorexic people do eat and to the untrained eye it can look like we eat like normal people. But you see i have spent a long time finding foods that are under 60 calories and lunches that are under 100, It's all painful planning and calculating.
Evan if this blog post doesn't apply to you i hope it has at least open your eyes and maybe you know someone who eats like me and i will help you to recognize an eating disorder, it could be hiding in plane sight.
Stay tuned, my next post will be about my experience on some harmless synthetic marijuana turned ugly in ways that only i know how.
Thanks for reading.
The Awkward Girl xoxo
I would like to dedicate this post to all the lovely
people on Live Journal who have supported me. You are all such wonderful people
who have provided me with a place I can feel safe to express my deepest fears
and most intimate feelings without any judgement.
Thank you ♥♥
You know who you are
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment