Tuesday, 2 April 2013

The Lies We Tell

First off. 
I have hit 1000 views. Wooooot :)

Hi readers sorry it has been so long. I want to say I was busy but I wasn't, I'm just very lazy.

I have just realized that recently I have been telling some lies to the people I love.

I have told my surrogate mother (my best friend’s mum who adopted me) and my best friend Diana that I have put on a kilo and that my eating disorder is getting better.
Well little do they know that I have just hit 59kg and the other day I saw a 58 on the scale.
They are under the impression I am now 61kg.

I’ve told them this so they wouldn't worry about me. As far as they know I am putting methods in place to gain weight and I no longer purge and all I do is sit around and binge on diet chocolate mousse. (That part is true)
But in reality I try and stay less than 500 calories for the day, if I eat something that makes me feel full or if it’s over 150 calories I will almost surely purge it.

And really they don’t have anything to worry about. I don't look like I'm fading away, there's still meat on my bones.

If anything i might end up looking like Pink. Big shoulders, Flat chest, not a very well defined waist.

Awww Yeah. *sigh* i guess that's the best I can hope for 

I have also told my therapist the same thing, God knows why!
It’s so stupid; I pay the bitch $150 an hour so I can lie to her about my E.D recovery?
Epic money fails.
I’m not a child; if I'm honest with her what is she going to do, tell my mum and dad?
My Mum would just call me and tell me I'm being silly. And my Dad either wouldn't believe her or ignore it. Just like he did when I lost 15kg to impress him when I visited around Christmas time and he didn't say a thing.

Also a little while ago I told my friends mum I want to work as a receptionist in a brothel for a second job and some extra money.
She was fine when I talked to her on the phone about it but the next day she did a back flip and told me it was a huge mistake.

So this Thursday I will be going to a strip club to have a try out as a stripper, the hours are good and so is the pay.
I just have to think of excuses for what I will be doing two nights a week till 4am.
Well I am known for being bad at texting, so if someone tries to contact me I can just get back to them a few hours later and be like "oh sorry I was sleeping" or "Hey sorry I missed you I was watching a movie"

I really wish I didn't have to lie to people, I know if I confide in my best friend Diana she will tell her mum and then her mum will yell at me.
I told my sister and she is cool with it, and I know she won’t tell anyone, and also she lives in a different state.

I just don't know what to do.
And also i have to think of a stripper name. (What fun)

I have come up with a few names, I was thinking If I pick a name that's sweet the clients won't expect me to be too exotic.
Belle (after my most beloved tv show Secret diary of a London call girl)

I like her because she looks a little like me. 
You know with the small boobs and the big torso and blonde hair with big lips.

I want to keep the name to one syllable, It makes it easy to remember. 

Maybe Belle would be good for me, seeing as i would model myself after her, and i know all her tricks. "i can get ready for a client in my sleep, they like big hair, big breasts, and a big smile"

Maybe i can fake it till i make it.


The only issue would be "hair removal" after my trip to the waxer on Thursday I swear that once i heal and grow back i will never do that again it's going to be lazier hair removal from now on.
Let me explain.
I had an hour to kill before I got my roots done at the salon; i had never had a wax so logically this would be the perfect time to loose my waxing virginity.
I booked in for a full Brazilian with a nice Indian lady.
I stripped off Winnie the pooh style and spread my legs.

I figured if I can get a tattoo this will be fine. Wrong!
She painted a sticky pink glue on my snatch and pinched it off, she did this about ten times. I was nearly screaming in agony and my oriental dominatrix was laughing. Every time she pinched off the pink glue I would gasp and scream and she would laugh.
A good half an hour later (after I had declined to have my ass hole waxed too) I paid her $50 although seeing how much joy I gave her I think she should of paid me.
I don’t know how women can get that done weekly. DAMN.

Well hope you enjoyed, and I’ll let you know how the stripper thing goes.

Xox The Awkward Girl AKA Belle…Maybe