hiding behind "healthy"

Hi readers I'm back!


I know it has been a long time, (about a year I think) but don't worry because you haven't missed much.

There has been guys, work, eating issues, I made a new friend at a different and more classy strip club (Chloe), I had three new jobs, lost my licence then got it back.

So now that you are all up to date with my ever so exciting life lets get back to the topic at hand (hiding behind "healthy")

It would be one of the first signs of an eating issue; that girl at the party or a restaurant who says no a slice of birthday cake, or orders a plate of vegetables because she has an "intolerance" to something or she is a "vegan".
These people use an intolerance as an excuse to avoid a lot of "fear food"  like bread, cheese, red meat or any junk food.

And coming from someone who does this I know it works.
In-fact it works so well that now I have a real intolerance to dairy, fatty food and some heavy protean like read meat and turkey gives me cramps.

Another "healthy lifestyle" trick people hide behind is when going out drinking.
While everyone is downing Redbull and vodka or cocktails she is drinking a dry white or a vodka soda and lime; when a guy offered her a drink like a vodka squash or a screwdriver she declines and makes up some excuse about not drinking that much tonight, or a classic like "energy drinks make me feel sick" or "I find vodka raspberry too sweet".
Then when the guy walks away or her friends feel awkward and eventually give up she sighs with relief because all of those empty calories will not be worrying her tonight.
And no need to worry about thous 3am pizza slices or kebabs because everyone knows you are a vegan.

But little do they know that being a vegan doesn't mean you are living off nuts and tofu and beans and big tasty vegan gluten free vegetable burgers instead of all the stuff you cut out, really what you have done is cut the "fear higher calorie" food and not replaced it.
essentially you are living off bunny food cottage cheese and long blacks and saying "I'm a vegetarian" .

What's for dinner?
Steam vegetables with a sprinkle of lemon and egg whites....it's healthy
What's for a snack?
One whole date chopped up with half a cup of air popped pop corn. 
...you get the point.

That gluten free soy free egg free dairy free bread you love is not because it's healthy, it's really because it's the lowest calorie bread on the market.


So yeah. there wasn't really a point to this, I just wanted you to know that I know your secrete, or help you identify a eating issue in a friend.

Yours always The Awkward Girl xx

All Things In Good Time.

Hi People

So after my first shift as a stripper I had 4 more.

I have decided after very little consideration to do hand relief  (hand jobs).

It will bring me in an extra $50 for each client and honestly if you think about it it’s just a penis.

Although I have been making more money recently it's still considered as being slow.

I think I might be just unlucky.

On Friday last week i was working till 12am but nearly no one came in because the neon club sign wasn't working, and on Saturday no one was staffing the club and I couldn’t get in, then once a girl let me in we had to close because we couldn’t work the till and had no way to get change for the clients.

Although i did come away from Friday night with over $200, but according to the girls thats what i should make on a "standard" night.

Friday night i should be making double that, so i look forward to the neon sign working for this Friday night.

Now i suppose you want some dirt on the clients?

What happened in the private massage room?

How big were their dicks?

Did they do something funny?

Well i really can't say, I have to protect their privacy...

I'm kidding, and they were all freaks.

"yeah babay you're way better than my wife"

One of the girls told me there is a guy that likes to eat his cum, and another guy that is into spanking.

I really hope i don't get them.

Maybe the spanking i coul'd do, It would be better for me than him. >;-)    hahaha

I won't tell you about them all but I will pick out a few encounters that might make for interesting writing material (the ones I can actually remember).

There was my first hand relief client; he was young and chubby with a small ding-dong.

I asked him what i can do for him today and gave him the "extras" price list.

As expected he picked hand relief and touching me. Boom that’s $80 straight up.

It was his first time in a strip club and he was clearly very shy.

I got him to lie down after he undressed.

I tried wanking him for 10 min and nothing, it was like he was cuming internally. Every now and then he would mone and say "omg that’s so good" or he would apologise that he wasn’t cumming while he felt my boobs and my legs and my stomach.

After a while he asked if he could get himself off, i didn't mind i like this job because I’m lazy so he can knock himself out.

It became apparent he was a two finger wanker, it kind of looked like he was trying to pull it off, but it didn't take long for him to finish.

He wanted to give me more money; turns out I’m "lovely".

And on that note, here is a pic of my "uniform" for that night.

My Uniform

Another client was a regular, and he was the guy that was in last week trying to write on the glass in the peep show room.

He just wanted the option of me taking off my underpants $20.

After handing me fist fulls of mints and chocolates (witch i really did not want) he got undressed.

He was a bit shorter than me and was very clean, shaved pubes and upper legs, hairless back and bum.

A perfect client.

he lay face down and got me to give him a back rub.

He talked to me about how he would like to work here and give ladies back rubs, I didn’t have to heart to tell him a lady won’t pay for someone under 5'3 and older than 40 unless he’s Tom Cruise.

He also said that I have an "unusual" pussy.

I looked down "really? But you can’t see anything, it's all shaved and nothing hangs out, it looks normal to me"

He said it reminded him of his ex. (oh gosh thanks)

He also said that he could tell i was an interesting person by looking at me in peeps, I had a sweet face and i didn't look like the other strippers, there was something more to me.

Well isn’t he sweet.

He then wanted to give me a back rub; he didn’t pay to touch me but whatever.

As he climbed over me and rubbed my back he taught he how to say hello in 12 different languages, i can’t remember any of them.

Our session then ended and i said good bye

I only went back down to peeps for a moment before i got another client for a 30 min massage.

I came back up and my last client was still there, I tried not to look at him too much and showed client to the massage room.

I gave him the prices and he chose hand relief and touching me, our capped package of $80

He was middle aged with a shaved head, he looked like a swimmer or a runner.

He stripped down and lay on the table face down.

i started to rub his legs, "are you a runner, you have very well defined legs?"

"I'm a cyclist; I’m here on the weekend to compete"

After a while i got him to flip over and i could see his balls her very high up...from all that bike riding i guess.

He was also circumcised and the head of his dong kind of looked like a mushroom cap.

I started on him and tried touching his balls and what not but his ball placement made it really hard to figure out where to grab.

I encouraged him to touch me and he kept commenting on my boobs.

"I like that you have normal boobs"

Or he would grab at my bum or my hips "you don’t see many nice normal girls working  like this"

Great, I’m flat and fat.

After a while of me got getting anywhere with him he finally came.

i grabbed some tissues and cleaned his belly up and continued to rub his legs and arms and chest, the idea was that with our last few min he can put his hands over me and i will try and relax him.

Then our time ran out and he left, I would normally walk him out but my last client was still there talking to the manager, I think they might be friends.

On Wednesday night i did get a group of teens in peeps, i hate it when that happens, they all huddle in one booth and giggle at you but you still only get paid for one person.

And as predicted they put in about $6 and made faces at me while i danced and smiled.

Then one came back alone, he was cute and looked too young to be in a sex club, he reminded me of Harry styles.

He smiled and waved at me and i waved at him.

I danced around and touched myself for a few minutes, because really all they want is 40 seconds of porn.

So that’s a bit of an idea of what happens.

I really hope the Neon sign is working tonight Mumma wants a new pair of boots.

If all goes well tonight i could be coming away with over $300.

Also there might not be other girls working tonight so i would be getting all the money from peeps and privates. God i hope another girl comes, Friday night till 12am; there will be a lot of drunks banging on the glass in the peeps room.

It makes my sympathise for goldfish

Fishy Fishy Fishy!!!!

Then the owner can come out and be like "stop tapping on the glass, they don’t like that"

Well wish me luck and i hope i make lots of money $$$$

Awkward Girl oxo

Rose's first day on the job

Hello my lovelies, sorry it has been so long.

First off i would like to share an unrelated story with you from my high school days.

I was sitting in class one day and suddenly I needed to pee pretty badly.

I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, she said "yes but be quick about it"

Challenge accepted.

So I went to the nearest bathroom outside the extra needs class down the hall but to my disappointment there was a whiteboard blocking the bathroom door with a sign reading "out of order"

Thinking that it had been wheeled there from the extra education class I started to push it out of the way.

Suddenly i hear the cleaner Mr Garth behind me say "hey what are you doing? The sign says the bathroom is out of order"

I pause for a moment while my brain ticked over "ohhhh I thought the whiteboard was out of order"

*face palm*

Ok i just wanted to share that with you all.

Now then, back to Rose and my first day in a strip club.

My Saturday started like any other Saturday (except for the early start so i could groom myself)

I showered and washed my hair, exfoliated, shaved my legs underarms and pubes.

I then moisturised did my hair and make up, painted my nails and finally had breakfast.

Then i went into town to exchange a skirt for a smaller size got coffee and mints and at 11:50am sharp i arrived at the strip club.

Also i had developed blocked ears and could only hear if i talked like Fran Fine from The Nanny.

Neena showed me to the dressing room and ran through a few things with me while i got changed into my pink bra and g-string set.

I asked her a few questions about pricing of "extras" if i got booked, and pay (witch i collect in cash at the end of my shift)

After a while of hanging around in the dressing room two other girls came in, a little blonde called Scarlet and a little red head called Eden.

Then were very nice to me and told me when to go through the curtain to the peep show room.

To elaborate in case you don’t know, a Peep show is where there are little toilet cubical with coin boxes and windows in them surrounding a mirrored room with a leather mattress on the floor.

from the outside it just looks like a row of cubical, but on my end there are five little foggy windows in front of me that go clear every time someone puts money in, also followed by a beep.

I wait in the dressing room with the girls listening for the sound of foot steps and the swing of the cubical door.

Then we hear a beep and they tell me I’m on.

I turn up the music and go through the curtain to the mirrored room looking for the clear window while at the same time i swing my hips and start to take off my bra.

I spot a scruffy middle aged man he smiles at me and i take my panties off. (Note to self. DO NOT wear glitter heels when stripping. The glitter will catch on the lace undies and make it very hard to look sexy while you’re trying to rip your panties off your shoe while at the same time your other shoe is sticking to everything in the room)

Once I got nude I hear another “beep” that was the sound of him putting more money in the wall box.

I flick my hair around and drop low to the floor running my hands along my body and down my legs, I then proceeded to slowly run my hands along my lady bits.

"Beep" he puts in more money.

I then continue the process of standing, hair flinging, body caressing, and Va-jayjay touching.

I hear two more beeps till the screen goes black and i put my underwear back on and go back to the dressing room.

I danced for one hour then i changed over to Scarlet.

During my first one hour I only ended up dancing for three people, but I had hopes it would pick up around lunch.

I waited around for a bit longer and then decided to go up top to the counter and maybe i might get booked for a private dance.

It was deader up there than Michel Jackson (too soon?)

I chatted to the manager for a while and watched a little Chinese man get some porn, and a young guy get a crack pipe and synthetic weed.

My turn was coming up soon so i went back down bellow to the dressing room.

When i got there they were getting dressed to go out for lunch and left me to the peeps room alone.

For the hour and a half they were away only two men came in.

The first guy pointed at the chair in the peeps show room and gestured for me to bring it over to his window.

I sat there on the chair for a few minuets witching his shoulder bob up and down as he pressured himself to the sight of me running my hands all over my body.

When the screen went dark i thought for sure he would book me for a private dance but he didn't.

The next guy was a younger fellow, he put in his $2 and i quickly started to strip and tug my undies away from my glitter heels. Then the screen went dark and i wanted for the second beep but it never came.

I was hoping he might be booking me for a private dance but i ended up just sitting in the dressing room eating mints and trying to unblock my ears.

The girls came back and Eden went on peeps.

Then we got a call on the intercom that we had a guy up here wanting a private.

"Rose will do it!" Scarlet shouted.

I hurried up the steps and found a 25-30 year old Asian guy at the counter.

"How much do you charge for ""extras?"" he boldly asked.

"$50 to touch me, $20 to touch yourself and $100 for kissing. But if you get touching and kissing together it’s at a discount price of $120. I don't do full service" (i sound like I’m selling a car)

He looked at me a moment.

"So um, how much for hand relief?"

I thought i just said i don’t do that. *sigh well that’s an extra $70 I’m about to loose.

"I’m sorry i don’t do that, I can go bellow and ask one of out other girls if you like?"

So that’s what i did.

Maybe "hand relief" is something i can work up to.

After a while i got booked for a 15 min massage, the girls warned me that this guy will hassle you to let him have a freebie and he will pay me later, but i have to stand my ground.

I went up top and met the guy who was trying to pay at the counter on his card.

His name was Mic and he looked like a chubby 27 year old, maybe 29.

He had to quickly duck out and get another card and while he did this Scarlet told me that a 15 min massage is about 4 songs and i have to be topless but i can charge extra to have my panties off and all other extras.

So i showed him into the small massage room and asked him to strip down to what ever he felt safe with.

I took off my bra and turned on the music.

Mic wanted to stay seated while i rubbed his legs.

He also wanted to touch himself but i stayed firm, it's an extra $20 for that.

"Come on just let me have a little bit, I’ll bring in $40 next time"

I sighed, "look I’m sorry sweetie, i cant just let you have a freebie, then the other clients will want it too"

"aww but it kind of kills the massage" he said

"Well next time you should bring in more money and i make sure you have a lovely time"

This went on for a while, and in the end i let him have one minute of a play with himself because I’m nice.

It was pretty slow that night, but i got a feel for the place and i hope my other shifts will pick up.

Takings for the night

$80.00

I learned:

Get heat protector spray for hair

Mints are not food

Get hand sanitizer

I can make double with hand relief

Glitter shoes are a big nono.

Stay tuned i will fill you in as i have more shifts.

The Awkward Girl xoxo

Saturday Night With Mr Big

Hi people.

As promised I will relay my traumatic Saturday night with Mr Big.

I think I will start with my intention of the night.

After my breakup with my ex and the discovery or his new twiggy blond girlfriend I needed to move on and fill the void, and the best way to do that was with a strangers junk.

I planned on going out alone, (a risky move for someone who has been drugged twice in a night club) but I was willing to put that aside in the pursuit of love.

Everything was set; 

• My roommate would be away till Sunday afternoon
• My house was mopped, swept and vacuumed
• I put my new sheets on the bed
• I had spent the last two weeks researching how to pick up men in nightclubs.
• I got a tight red dress and a bra that will take me from a B to a C cup.
• Hair was done - although i did loose a fight with a bottle of toner.
• Fake tan wasn't too blotchy
• And i covered my bleeding shaving rash on my lady bits with Sally Harrison Air Brush Legs (remember that name, one day it will save you)

I looked pretty good, despite the fact i was so bloated i looked four months pregnant, but that went away in good time.

Bow chika bow wow

Yep I was going to be in for a fun filled night.

I first went into town with some friends that were going to an event called sky fire, It was only 6:30pm so i hung about watched the fire works ate too much cheese and chocolate and drank 3 mini bottles of champagne.

I don't want to think about the calories, but i told myself the many hours of dancing ahead of me will work it off.

Finally it was 9:30pm and i gave my friend my jacket and booz and walked to the Uni Pub.

It was about half full in there, plenty of good looking guys but the night was so young it would have died at birth.

So i had one drink and moved on to a popular bar/club called Moose Head, i thought this would be a perfect time to get my stamp and they were having a St Patrick's day party.

 *sigh* i should have stayed at the Uni Pub, this place is deader than Lindsay Lohan's career.

I moved on. What i really needed to find was a bar where people go before the action, and it needs to be full enough so i don't look like a pathetic girl all alone in a dark bar.

People already think i have a sad face; i don't need to be pathetic too.

I felt exposed in the middle of the cobble stone square, people were looking at me. i pull my shoulders back and attempt to walk with confidence, i tell myself they are only looking because you're so hot and you're the only girl in a red dress I've seen all night.

I find a semi crowded place called Hippo Bar filled with middle aged men in suits and the odd younger one. Perfect!

I ordered a disgusting overpriced glass of champagne and placed myself on a seat on the balcony and fiddled with my phone in the hopes that people will think I’m texting all my friends and arranging a meeting.

It clearly didn't work.

I looked up and saw a girl in her late 20s early 30s smiling at me. Let’s call her Ms Hippo Bar)

She asked me why such a pretty girl was sitting alone.

I raised an eyebrow at her "do you really want to know?"

"Yeah, I think so" Ms Hippo Bar said after a long pause.

So that’s what i did, i told her of my intentions and of my extensive research and that i have even taken the time to vacuum my house.

She was impressed with my commitment to the cause, clearly i had put a lot of thought into this.

She then called over her husband (Mr Hippo Bar)

She tells him what I'm up to and that I'm nervous and she asks him how i should proceed.

Mr Hippo Bar tells me that a girl as stunning as me and in THAT dress has the luxury where i can stand in any room in any given well lit spot and the men will come to me like flies on honey.

All it takes is a smile and a touch to the arm.

He also pointed out that i look sexy and not trashy because I’m not showing any cleavage and i had flat shoes on.

Mr and Ms Hippo Bar then started to point out 30 something year old men i might like, so that was my queue to head to TnG (a popular pre-night club spot with some live music)

As i walked the short distance to TnG i went past a few cafes and restaurants, there were business men sitting outside drinking coffee and ending their night.

As i got closer the one facing me looked up and his associate followed his gaze, in perfect timing their heads turned as i walked past. It reminded me of a cartoon.

It took everything i had not to smile to myself and to keep walking till i got to the bar.

But that was just what i needed, I truly felt like i could command the attention of any room. This must be what self esteem feels like.

So i payed the $5 entree fee and i went straight to the bathroom.

Its so annoying how quickly alcohol passes through me, its not as bad as coke but pretty close. 

I am also happy to report that i also pooped while i was there and that made me feel a bit lighter.

I could hear some girls in the bathroom talking about drunken sex, immediately my ears perked up.

Now these are some woman i can talk to.

i came out and washed my hands and waited for them to come to the sinks.

"Like OMG! I like so love drunken sex!"

"OMG Meeee Tooo. It is like so amazing"

One looked at me and saw me smiling.

"You know what I’m talking about gurllll?"

I laughed at her and admitted that i have never had drunken sex.

"Well you gotta be gettin out there and have some"

The drunk girls left the bathroom and i counted to ten and followed. I think i hoped that they would include me in whatever fun time they were going to have.

I saw Bathroom girl at the bar and stood next to her pretending to order a drink, then i let out a silent yet deadly fart.

Bathroom girl suddenly looked around and said "Omg what is that? arg it's disgusting!"

I took this as a opportunity and pretended to notice too "Yeah your right, eww someone must of done a walk by fart"

I then tried to start something up "hey you’re the girl from the bathroom" 

She looks at me a moment "oh yeah! Hey! Go and have drunk sex! See ya"

Damn it. opportunity gone.

There was nothing more for me at T'n'G so i made my way back to Moose Head hoping that things had picked up there.

As i was making my way a random guy lost his shit and went crazy over my dress "OMG! Holy Shit! You look so good you should be in L.A!!"

"umm thanks random"

Well Moose Head had improved.

People were dancing and drinking, i made my way up to the dance floor and i saw a friend of a friend (Tights as Pants)

We exchanges niceties and i got up on the higher part of the stage to check out the meat market.

I was dancing for only a few moments when (Mr Big) started to dance with me. He was everything my ex wasn't.

Tall about 6'4, handsome, buff like a god and an amazing kisser. No tongue and pure passion.

It wasn’t long till he whipped out his phone and showed me his "modelling picture"

After our night he was kind enough to send it to me, so now i can share it with you. For his privacy i have cut off Mr Bigg's head

Oh and FYI he is a Rugby player (Note the ball)

After a while I offered to get him a drink, he was very shocked by this and he liked it. He said a lot of girls expect the guy to get a drink for the girls.

(Ladies take note, if you want to stand out try getting HIM a drink)

Then he got me a drink witch I reluctantly drank, we went to the bathroom and met back on the dance floor.

A few more moments and he were asking me if I wanted to get out of here.

I couldn't believe it, it worked I did it, I picked up.

A short $35 cab ride later we were back at my place; this was the part I was unsure about.

I took him to my bedroom and unzipped my dress. But he was talking about something I was only half hearing. So I kissed him and pulled off his shirt, he was so confident in his body, and I really don’t blame him. (If you need a reminder please look at the image above)

We went down onto the bed and kissed, it was slow and sweet. Then he started to work on my bra, one hook then some struggling.

I should really help him, this is a new bra and he will be there all night.

“Do you want me to get it? I won’t think any less of you”

But Mr Big’s will was strong and in the end he got it.

Then suddenly he flips me onto my back. It was unexpected but no more than when he sticks his tongue in my love cave, he starts licking and sicking and then he shoves two of his massive fingers inside me, OK ouch but I can handle it.

This carried on for a while until he rams his fingers up so far I gasp, and then he starts to move them against something hard. I don’t like it and the clit sucking is getting old and a bit unconformable.

I just want him to finish and we can sleep.

“Hey…..HEY! You better stop or I'll cum.”

“That’s the idea” he says.

Ok… I pull away and roll him on his back, two can play that game.

I tug down his pants and undies and they fall to the floor. Suddenly I’m in shock, it was like a fist.

I decided to try anyway. I attempt to wrap my lips around his knob but I couldn't get my mouth wide enough. So then I decided to wank at his foreskin and lick the tip, that kind of worked but he wanted more.

So I pulled out a condom and attempted to slide it on, it didn't budge. At first I was thinking I had it on the wrong way but I didn't  With a little more rolling I got it on half way.

I started off on top, with all our kissing and then he eating me out I was pretty wet. I lined myself up and eased it to the entrance. Omg it won’t go in.

I gave it a bit more back and forth and I got the head in, but it felt like I was going to break.

After some rocking back and forth we try with him on the top, Worse! And his hips were wider than mine so it felt like my hip joints were going to pop out.

Then came the new pain. Turns out he likes to bite ears.

You See what I'm talking about.

And he rubbed my clit like a genie was going to come out of my vagina and grant him wishes.

And while he was trying to ram his penis into my now dry minge he started to pinch my nipples like he was expecting them to come off. He only stopped for a second when I said “ouch!”

This went on for an hour and a half, I then reached a point where I had to just say stop, but it took a while to get the hint. At first he then held down my arms and preceded to finger fuck me.

Eventually we went to sleep, after an extra half hour of him softly tickling my skin and trailing his fingers back down under, I then had to grab his hand like a child about to touch a hot stove.

The Next day he started back up again with the tickling. I knew there would be only one way to be rid of him.

“You wanna have sex again?”

I hated myself for asking, I was in so much pain from last night but I just wanted him to cum and go.

So I attempted to put a condom on him again, and then I lay through an extremely painful ten minuets of him licking my bruised clit until I had to get him to stop.

I looked for my lube but couldn't find it. Damn it!

Then he tried to force himself in me again, I was dry and tender but by god was I going to get him to cum.

I got on top of Mr Big my body screamed in protest, then I rode him, it was tricky and I had to nearly slap his hands away when he went for my nipples, after a hour I couldn't take any more.

“Are you close? You got to tell me if you’re close”

No response and I was done.

“what? But I was close” Mr Big said

“Really?!”

I climbed back on and rode him like a bunny fighting through the pain all over my body, and the chafing between my legs.

But in the end he came and I was relived even if it was all over my new sheets.

I made him coffee he had a shower and then soon after he was out the door and in a cab, and I was sitting on frozen peas and calling my best friend.

I hope you liked my first real blog entry, the others won't be as long as this one only happened on Saturday night, so its all still fresh in my mind and my hips are still hurting.

You know i never did get to dance off all that cheese but i think i should get a  merit badge for attempting Mr Big.

oxox The Awkward Girl