Rose's first day on the job

Hello my lovelies, sorry it has been so long.

First off i would like to share an unrelated story with you from my high school days.

I was sitting in class one day and suddenly I needed to pee pretty badly.

I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, she said "yes but be quick about it"

Challenge accepted.

So I went to the nearest bathroom outside the extra needs class down the hall but to my disappointment there was a whiteboard blocking the bathroom door with a sign reading "out of order"

Thinking that it had been wheeled there from the extra education class I started to push it out of the way.

Suddenly i hear the cleaner Mr Garth behind me say "hey what are you doing? The sign says the bathroom is out of order"

I pause for a moment while my brain ticked over "ohhhh I thought the whiteboard was out of order"

*face palm*

Ok i just wanted to share that with you all.

Now then, back to Rose and my first day in a strip club.

My Saturday started like any other Saturday (except for the early start so i could groom myself)

I showered and washed my hair, exfoliated, shaved my legs underarms and pubes.

I then moisturised did my hair and make up, painted my nails and finally had breakfast.

Then i went into town to exchange a skirt for a smaller size got coffee and mints and at 11:50am sharp i arrived at the strip club.

Also i had developed blocked ears and could only hear if i talked like Fran Fine from The Nanny.

Neena showed me to the dressing room and ran through a few things with me while i got changed into my pink bra and g-string set.

I asked her a few questions about pricing of "extras" if i got booked, and pay (witch i collect in cash at the end of my shift)

After a while of hanging around in the dressing room two other girls came in, a little blonde called Scarlet and a little red head called Eden.

Then were very nice to me and told me when to go through the curtain to the peep show room.

To elaborate in case you don’t know, a Peep show is where there are little toilet cubical with coin boxes and windows in them surrounding a mirrored room with a leather mattress on the floor.

from the outside it just looks like a row of cubical, but on my end there are five little foggy windows in front of me that go clear every time someone puts money in, also followed by a beep.

I wait in the dressing room with the girls listening for the sound of foot steps and the swing of the cubical door.

Then we hear a beep and they tell me I’m on.

I turn up the music and go through the curtain to the mirrored room looking for the clear window while at the same time i swing my hips and start to take off my bra.

I spot a scruffy middle aged man he smiles at me and i take my panties off. (Note to self. DO NOT wear glitter heels when stripping. The glitter will catch on the lace undies and make it very hard to look sexy while you’re trying to rip your panties off your shoe while at the same time your other shoe is sticking to everything in the room)

Once I got nude I hear another “beep” that was the sound of him putting more money in the wall box.

I flick my hair around and drop low to the floor running my hands along my body and down my legs, I then proceeded to slowly run my hands along my lady bits.

"Beep" he puts in more money.

I then continue the process of standing, hair flinging, body caressing, and Va-jayjay touching.

I hear two more beeps till the screen goes black and i put my underwear back on and go back to the dressing room.

I danced for one hour then i changed over to Scarlet.

During my first one hour I only ended up dancing for three people, but I had hopes it would pick up around lunch.

I waited around for a bit longer and then decided to go up top to the counter and maybe i might get booked for a private dance.

It was deader up there than Michel Jackson (too soon?)

I chatted to the manager for a while and watched a little Chinese man get some porn, and a young guy get a crack pipe and synthetic weed.

My turn was coming up soon so i went back down bellow to the dressing room.

When i got there they were getting dressed to go out for lunch and left me to the peeps room alone.

For the hour and a half they were away only two men came in.

The first guy pointed at the chair in the peeps show room and gestured for me to bring it over to his window.

I sat there on the chair for a few minuets witching his shoulder bob up and down as he pressured himself to the sight of me running my hands all over my body.

When the screen went dark i thought for sure he would book me for a private dance but he didn't.

The next guy was a younger fellow, he put in his $2 and i quickly started to strip and tug my undies away from my glitter heels. Then the screen went dark and i wanted for the second beep but it never came.

I was hoping he might be booking me for a private dance but i ended up just sitting in the dressing room eating mints and trying to unblock my ears.

The girls came back and Eden went on peeps.

Then we got a call on the intercom that we had a guy up here wanting a private.

"Rose will do it!" Scarlet shouted.

I hurried up the steps and found a 25-30 year old Asian guy at the counter.

"How much do you charge for ""extras?"" he boldly asked.

"$50 to touch me, $20 to touch yourself and $100 for kissing. But if you get touching and kissing together it’s at a discount price of $120. I don't do full service" (i sound like I’m selling a car)

He looked at me a moment.

"So um, how much for hand relief?"

I thought i just said i don’t do that. *sigh well that’s an extra $70 I’m about to loose.

"I’m sorry i don’t do that, I can go bellow and ask one of out other girls if you like?"

So that’s what i did.

Maybe "hand relief" is something i can work up to.

After a while i got booked for a 15 min massage, the girls warned me that this guy will hassle you to let him have a freebie and he will pay me later, but i have to stand my ground.

I went up top and met the guy who was trying to pay at the counter on his card.

His name was Mic and he looked like a chubby 27 year old, maybe 29.

He had to quickly duck out and get another card and while he did this Scarlet told me that a 15 min massage is about 4 songs and i have to be topless but i can charge extra to have my panties off and all other extras.

So i showed him into the small massage room and asked him to strip down to what ever he felt safe with.

I took off my bra and turned on the music.

Mic wanted to stay seated while i rubbed his legs.

He also wanted to touch himself but i stayed firm, it's an extra $20 for that.

"Come on just let me have a little bit, I’ll bring in $40 next time"

I sighed, "look I’m sorry sweetie, i cant just let you have a freebie, then the other clients will want it too"

"aww but it kind of kills the massage" he said

"Well next time you should bring in more money and i make sure you have a lovely time"

This went on for a while, and in the end i let him have one minute of a play with himself because I’m nice.

It was pretty slow that night, but i got a feel for the place and i hope my other shifts will pick up.

Takings for the night

$80.00

I learned:

Get heat protector spray for hair

Mints are not food

Get hand sanitizer

I can make double with hand relief

Glitter shoes are a big nono.

Stay tuned i will fill you in as i have more shifts.

The Awkward Girl xoxo

The Lies We Tell

First off. 

I have hit 1000 views. Wooooot :)

Hi readers sorry it has been so long. I want to say I was busy but I wasn't, I'm just very lazy.

I have just realized that recently I have been telling some lies to the people I love.

I have told my surrogate mother (my best friend’s mum who adopted me) and my best friend Diana that I have put on a kilo and that my eating disorder is getting better.

Well little do they know that I have just hit 59kg and the other day I saw a 58 on the scale.

They are under the impression I am now 61kg.

I’ve told them this so they wouldn't worry about me. As far as they know I am putting methods in place to gain weight and I no longer purge and all I do is sit around and binge on diet chocolate mousse. (That part is true)

But in reality I try and stay less than 500 calories for the day, if I eat something that makes me feel full or if it’s over 150 calories I will almost surely purge it.

And really they don’t have anything to worry about. I don't look like I'm fading away, there's still meat on my bones.

If anything i might end up looking like Pink. Big shoulders, Flat chest, not a very well defined waist.

Awww Yeah. *sigh* i guess that's the best I can hope for 

I have also told my therapist the same thing, God knows why!

It’s so stupid; I pay the bitch $150 an hour so I can lie to her about my E.D recovery?

Epic money fails.

I’m not a child; if I'm honest with her what is she going to do, tell my mum and dad?

My Mum would just call me and tell me I'm being silly. And my Dad either wouldn't believe her or ignore it. Just like he did when I lost 15kg to impress him when I visited around Christmas time and he didn't say a thing.

Also a little while ago I told my friends mum I want to work as a receptionist in a brothel for a second job and some extra money.

She was fine when I talked to her on the phone about it but the next day she did a back flip and told me it was a huge mistake.

So this Thursday I will be going to a strip club to have a try out as a stripper, the hours are good and so is the pay.

I just have to think of excuses for what I will be doing two nights a week till 4am.

Well I am known for being bad at texting, so if someone tries to contact me I can just get back to them a few hours later and be like "oh sorry I was sleeping" or "Hey sorry I missed you I was watching a movie"

I really wish I didn't have to lie to people, I know if I confide in my best friend Diana she will tell her mum and then her mum will yell at me.

I told my sister and she is cool with it, and I know she won’t tell anyone, and also she lives in a different state.

I just don't know what to do.

And also i have to think of a stripper name. (What fun)

I have come up with a few names, I was thinking If I pick a name that's sweet the clients won't expect me to be too exotic.

Taffy

Peaches

Cherry

Rose 

Violet

Belle (after my most beloved tv show Secret diary of a London call girl)

I like her because she looks a little like me. 

You know with the small boobs and the big torso and blonde hair with big lips.

I want to keep the name to one syllable, It makes it easy to remember. 

Maybe Belle would be good for me, seeing as i would model myself after her, and i know all her tricks. "i can get ready for a client in my sleep, they like big hair, big breasts, and a big smile"

Maybe i can fake it till i make it.

Mwahxx

The only issue would be "hair removal" after my trip to the waxer on Thursday I swear that once i heal and grow back i will never do that again it's going to be lazier hair removal from now on.

Let me explain.

I had an hour to kill before I got my roots done at the salon; i had never had a wax so logically this would be the perfect time to loose my waxing virginity.

I booked in for a full Brazilian with a nice Indian lady.

I stripped off Winnie the pooh style and spread my legs.

I figured if I can get a tattoo this will be fine. Wrong!

She painted a sticky pink glue on my snatch and pinched it off, she did this about ten times. I was nearly screaming in agony and my oriental dominatrix was laughing. Every time she pinched off the pink glue I would gasp and scream and she would laugh.

A good half an hour later (after I had declined to have my ass hole waxed too) I paid her $50 although seeing how much joy I gave her I think she should of paid me.

I don’t know how women can get that done weekly. DAMN.

Well hope you enjoyed, and I’ll let you know how the stripper thing goes.

Xox The Awkward Girl AKA Belle…Maybe

One unfortunate sex turns into many

Hey my lovely Readers.

I have been going mad trying to think of material for my Blog, I have plenty of sad stories and information but I really need to break it up with some sexy funny stuff.

Since my Blog has been out there in the world for nearly a week it has gotten over 720 views. Now I don’t know if that is good, bad or normal but I can’t help but be a little proud of myself.

So today I am going to post a little “time line” that maps the beginning of my tragic sex life up until Mr Big.

Maybe some of you will relate, maybe you will read this and say to yourself “hey that happened to me too” all I ask is that you enjoy it and tell all your friends and family or any famous connections you might have about my Blog.

I suppose the only logical place to start is at the beginning, my very first time.

It was summer holidays before college and I was 16 years old, my high school boyfriend Matt and I had broken up about two months ago after a eight month relationship (he is still my longest relationship). He had found himself a new girlfriend only a week after we broke up; but it didn't last, she cheated on him after he lost his virginity to her.

So you can imagine that it didn't take long before he was texting me and arranging for us to catch up.

He told me that he still loved me and that he made a mistake having sex with his ex, what ever he did it worked. All throughout our relationship he had tried getting in my pains but I was too nervous, he would make me feel bad by saying things like “if you don’t give me a hand job I’ll break up with you” or “lots of girls at my work flirt with me”.

One day he invited me over to his house to watch a movie (only now do I know when a guy asks you that he always means sex) it wasn't long till we were making out on the sofa.

He kept asking me “is this ok?” witch I would always respond to with “I don’t know” and continue kissing him.

He asked me if I wanted to come upstairs, I again quietly responded with  “I don’t know” so upstairs we went.

We then began ‘the awkward teenage shuffle’ dance he takes off my top and his top while I try to cover myself, then he spends a good one minuet fumbling with my bra while still kissing me.

He gets the bra off but his next challenge is tugging it away from me while I have two hands trying to cover my boobs and my belly like my life depends on it.

“You know I have seen them before” he says while he releases my bra from it's death grip.

I quickly flatten myself against him, ha now he definitely can’t see me. Then I feel something I look down and see his erection through his boxers, oh my goodness i knew about them and knew what to expect but I have never seen one in real life, I wonder what I’m suppose to do with it. Should I grab it? I know that boys like it sucked but that’s icky.

Next thing I know the radio is on and we are on the bed, I’m laying on my back and he is having sex on me (not a type-o)

I felt like I should be doing something more so I grabbed his back "are you ok, is this ok?" He asked  "I don't know I think so" i respond.

He then started to get me to stroke his thing, but i pulled my hand away.

Fifteen minuets in and i was getting board, i remember the radio playing Rihanna please don't stop the music and a few ads telling me to trade my old vacuum and a McDonald's jingle telling me i can add bacon to any burger for only $1.

By that stage i looked like this:

It didn't take long till i made a noise and told him to get off...Ah romance.

After we got dressed i walked him to subway and then i walked home.

When i started college i had strangers warn me not to have sex with him because he made a $20 bet with a friend that he could get me into bed by Easter,  we had sex the day after Valentines day. I still have never spend Valentines day with a guy.

So that was when it started, my next few sexual encounters were not so "long" or memorable.

I had just turned 18 and i was going to a guy friend Jake's 18th birthday, I had a bit of a crush on him and I liked him a bit back in high school.

The party was good, we got drunk and I had a very low cut dress on (which i still have) everything was going swimmingly.

Once the party wound down the 10 boys went to their tent and my best friend Diana and i went to our tent.

About half an hour later Jake came in and lay down next to me, he then started to put his hand under the blanket and drunkenly play with my minge, he then got my hand and put it on his wing wang woodle, i felt around for the remainder of it but only something the size of my thumb could be found. ok this should be easy to wank off, hmm now where are my tweezers?

Diana then got out of the tent and went to the bathroom, I rolled over and straddled him. Why wont he kiss me? i would but he isn't giving me any signs.

Oops! Diana is back.

I moved over to the far corner of the tent and she slid in beside me. 

I think Jake got the hint and he left.

But after that he had tried getting in my pants every time we drank together. But he never kissed me so he never got any.

After Matt there was a bit of a sex gap.

I think i might have had sex in a night club but i don't think it counts, He slipped inside for only a moment and then i chickened out and went to find my sister.

Then when i was 19 i moved away to a new city and started seeing a 25 year old called Harry, he had a baby, and ironically he wanted to wait three months before we had sex.

But at our  two and a half month mark we were making out in bed when next thing i know we were doing the sixty-nine. I had never put a penis in my mouth before let alone seen one so close.

I try sucking on it and licking it, then he put it deep in my throat and i was nearly sick so then he got me to sit on his face.

I was truly happy he decided to shave his stubble that day. But what he did next is something that will stay with me till I'm a sweet old lady in a home telling grand kids NOT TO USE TEETH!

I want you to imagine for  a moment rapid moving teeth like this:

Now imagine winding up the teeth and putting them against your clit.

Harry and i never did get to the three month mark, I felt a bit cheated after all that.

Then there was Leigh.

He was a cute military guy i met online, by our second date he was telling me he didn't want a relationship and was asking me back to his dorm to "watch a movie" by now i knew what that translated to

The sex was good although I really had nothing to compare it to, I never climaxed and when he was about to cum he would say "where should I put it?"

In other words "I want to cum on you or in your mouth" 

I always chose mouth, It's less messy.

I got pretty good at head with him, I also lied and told him "I'm the best and i love giving head" people only believe what you tell him.

One night while giving head I burped, "umm that felt weird" he said. I looked up at him and wiggled my fingers like tentacles and said "I'm a Kraken From the Sea!"

I think he pretended not to hear me...Thank god.

That wasn't the only time I humiliated myself in front of him.

once we were having sex and he wanted to cum on my chest, i figure his penis is a guest in my body and i need to be a obliging hostess. So i let him.

Big mistake, it went on my face in my hair and in my eye. You have no idea how hard it is to get cum out of your eyebrow. I told my Mum and she called me Jizz eye for a year.

Haha that's the face I made.

Then i was 20.

I picked up in a night club for the first time. I was drunk and he was ok looking. Diana got his friend. we went back to their place and there wasn't really a lot to it.

The wind died quickly no matter how much I sicked and wanked, but we were so drunk i don't think ether of us minded. Then i was sick on the grass outside and my friend and i got in a cab and went home. 

I don't remember his name.

Then near my 21st birthday i had one last hook up with Leigh  It only shows how dumb i am. He tricked me and made me think he loved me and we could be together. 

Then he called me a week later to tell me he can't see me because he will be doing stuff. Wanker.  (story of my life)

A week before i turned 21 i met the love of my 21 year life, the guy i wanted to marry, and the guy I could open up to.

Anyway you don't need to know about that. What you do need to know is that i got my period while having sex with him, we were doing it doggy style and he says "can you smell something metallic?" 

My heart stopped, he turned on the light to reveal blood everywhere.

On his dick his belly his face and all over me and the sheets. 

Well if that isn't bad enough, It happened to me twice. And I'm on the Pill.

Lucky that is so bad it cancels out the fanny burps and cum dripping out of me in the shower or farting on him during sex.

Long story short we were about to move in together and then suddenly he pulls away then after months of me crying and trying to make him come back he tells me he can’t love me anymore. Now he has a new skinny girlfriend.

And that brings me to Mr Big

Here is the link:

http://anawkwardgirlsguide.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/saturday-night-with-mr-big.html

So I hope you got some kind of entertainment out of that, I did in some ways. 

So if you have ever done anything in the bedroom that would make you cringe, it's ok. We have all been there. 

Boy have we.....

All the best 

The Awkward Girl

xoxo